Forgiveness
by Starving For Attention
Summary: [A Guide to Recognizing your Saints] Antonio writes to his loved ones from prison.


**Here's another Antonio ficlet for you, this time it's a little different. He's in prison for killing a man, and he's writing to the important people in his life. The rest will explain itself.**

**PS- Flori is Dito's mother.**

**Enjoy.**

_To my family,_

_This is incredibly hard to write. You really have no idea how much I want to just crumble this up, throw it out, and forget about it. Forget about all of you. But I can't do that. I need to get this out._

_First, I want to say that I'm very sorry for putting you through all this bullshit. Everything I had to go through, I dragged you guys with me. But you stuck with me, no matter how much trouble I got into. And I'm really, truly, thankful for that._

_I never would have imagined that I'd end up here. I always pushed the envelope, I always toed that line, but I never crossed it. Until now. And being here is like that wake-up call everyone always talks about that makes them want to change_, _except I got mine a little too late._

_Anyway, instead of writing a bunch of different letters to all of you, I'll just write them all here and address each of you individually._

_Isabella,_

_I love you, girl. Thank you so much for being there for me during those times when I felt like I had no one to turn to. I'm really sorry for fucking up this badly and landing myself in jail, away from you. You really have no idea how much you mean to me._

_Dad,_

_I wish I could say "thank you" for keeping my head on straight, but I can't. I'm not going to sugar-coat this, because they sure as hell aren't sugar-coating anything for me here. Honestly, I don't consider you my father. If you didn't do all the shit that you've done to me over the years, I probably wouldn't be here right now. But I'm definitely not putting all the blame on you. I'm responsible for my own actions. I'm just saying, despite what you might have thought, you do have an affect on me. But whatever. I don't want to spend all my time bashing you and making you feel bad._

_Flori,_

_Thank you for all the love and hospitality you've given me. After my mother died, you really stepped up and became that maternal figure in my life. You didn't have to do everything that you did for me, but you did it anyway, and I really appreciate that. I want you to know that I really do consider you my mother. I love you._

_Monty,_

_I don't think you realize how much you've impacted my life. You are my rock. You've kept me grounded as best as you could, even though I wasn't your son to take care of. You know as well as I do that I was over your house more than I was at my own. Eating your food, watching your TV, hanging out with your son, talking with you. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I had a father again. I really appreciate everything you've done for me. You are my dad. I love you._

_Dito,_

_Oh jeez, where do I begin... This is probably the hardest to write out of all of them._

_We've been through some pretty rough shit together, but despite that, you've stayed with me. There have been times where I've snapped and gone after you, and half the time you didn't even do anything. Like at Giuseppe's funeral. I'm really sorry for that._

_You've been my best friend for as long as I can remember, and out of all the people I know, you probably know me - and get me - better than anyone. You're always the last person to judge me, and you're always there to calm me down when I get out of hand, even when I'm too far gone to get my head on straight. I respect you, Dito, not just as a friend and a mentor, but as a person._

_I've wondered how my current situation would be different if you had been with me that night I killed Reaper. I'm almost positive that I wouldn't have done it if I had been with you. But... I don't know what happened. Something inside me just snapped that night, and I literally lost control. You don't know how much I regret it._

_Honestly, if it wasn't for you, I'd probably be buried alongside Giuseppe right now. But I'm not, and despite the extremity of my current state, I'm incredibly grateful that I'm here. Then again, if I was killed before I landed here, Reaper would still be alive... so I don't know what to think anymore._

_Listen, if you see Reaper's friends or family around town, please, can you just tell them that I'm really sorry? I know they probably don't want anything to do with me, but just tell them anyway. For me._

_I don't know how to say this without it sounding really cheesy and stupid, but I don't really care because I need to get this out. I love you, man. You're my best friend, you always have been. And the most I can hope for right now is that you'll forgive me for everything I put you through, and that you'll be at the gates, waiting for me, when I get out._

_I love all you guys. And again, I really am sorry._

_Antonio _


End file.
